Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
