thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
