you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
