You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
