I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize