My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Randomize
