how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
