How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
