Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
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