It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I didn't notice because vodka
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
