how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
