4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
