goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
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