hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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