I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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