careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
