so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
