This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
