I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
