Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
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