I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
