I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
