I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Randomize
