**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize