Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
