Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
