it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
