WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
zippers are such a cool invention
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Randomize
