I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
