I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
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