Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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