i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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