U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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