so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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