well I can't set my house on fire every night
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
