it wasn't lemon gatorade
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
You ate ashes out of my bong
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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