guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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