I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize