he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
