she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
