HIV tests are more positive than that guy
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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