Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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