I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
