okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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