I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize
