Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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