She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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