So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Green mimosas i think yes
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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