new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
