I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
