currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I checked into jail on foursquare
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
