I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
