ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
