Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
