Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
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