Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
