Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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