All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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