In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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