how hairy? two words: wookie tits
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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