tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
