Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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