i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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