I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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