there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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