Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
