she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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