Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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