tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Well I just put wine in my tea
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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