she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
