Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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