he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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