the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
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