omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Randomize
