I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
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