If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I DEMAND FORESKIN
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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