fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
It's official drugs can't kill me
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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