i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
