she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
