The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
