Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
