we have officially lost it.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
