Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
