WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I think your dad took our porno
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
