Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
