What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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