pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
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