he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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