if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
