If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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