East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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