I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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