my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
