Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
